You are the Greatest in the World

I strongly believe that the greatest of anything is yet to be and will never be world renowned.  It is on this premise that one should never be discouraged in endeavors that seem too tall.  You could be the very best, and no one has to know it, but you at least deserve the opportunity to recognize the greatness within yourself.

Traveler

Traveling is the art of living. Living is the totality of all of the senses.
                                                                                                 -- Jeremy Harper

Unequivocal

I am not unapologetically who I am.  I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing but I feel that I should be.  My brain or whoever just said that it's because I don't know who I am yet...In other words I'm still under construction.  Still feels unattainable, again maybe rightly so, everything only to an extent in this life....right.

Plan A: Repair what was one of the best relationships in my life.

Human beings are just that, human beings.  We fall short of our responsibilities, of other's expectations of us, of the grace of God.  I thought I had accepted this particular idiosyncrasy of life but it seems I never extended it to everyone in my life.  Now I have to face these things about a person I once called the love of my life.

I come from a place where there was never any such thing as the tooth fairy, santa clause, or any superheros (cept Blade and Spawn, Blade and Spawn are real) but many a time I have wondered what it is like for kids to have this idea of these perfect being planted in their brains for so long and then one day find out that they were never real.  It seems reality is not without a sense of irony as I now learn this bitter disappointment.  I projected certain qualities unto a person that never had them in the first place, therefore creating my very own fictional character.

So what must one do when they find out that their favorite hero is non-existent?  Accept it and face reality, become a big girl and still proceed to look for all these qualities in a man, fail, get married anyway and hope to God you don't end up one of those insufferable late 30s women who are impossible and damn near sacrilegious to live with.

There is no Society, the Laws are all bumper stickers/There is no God, the Bible is a story book

Many people find it peculiar to believe in things that cannot be proven by the senses.  I find it is more curious the things that people can see and examine that are not real but is still very much believed to exist.  I often fall into this deep wave of thought about race.  Race, this fake thing that in fact does not exist but is a social construction that has thus far mainly served to segregate, dehumanize, paranoy, alienate, all in all manipulate.  Not to say that the race lie has not served any positive functions, like identifying people more prone to certain diseases so they may choose to adjust their lifestyle accordingly (it took me the span of writing this whole thing to think of that), but by far the cons seem to dominate the pros.  My point is this, this pretend thing that only seems to cause destruction is accepted as a real and factual thing by EVERYONE.

It got me thinking about another wave that usually engulfs me, what is real? Perception versus Reality, my favorite topic in university, can be viewed from so many stand points, psychological, philosophical, biological.  Perhaps these words, locked away in schools or specialized buildings far removed from the common everyday life, make it hard to grasp just how fleeting a concept "real" is.  Have you ever watched a dooms day movie and seen buildings falling, people dying, material culture failing, total disarray.  I notice in these movies people still call on authorities for help, they still obey firefighters and police officers, they look to the government to tell them how to feel about the situation;  in one movie people turned to a security guard to lead them.  We all see this same thing mirrored in real life all the time, be it in attempt to preserve "civilization" or denial of its fragile and constantly threatened existence.  Again, this is not to say that society serves no purpose, in short, it keeps people in check, for all too often perfectly civilized rational men become feral, displaying raw animal instincts when pushed to the edge.

It is my perception that all the things that our society hinges on to stabilize itself is a veil.  Of course its functions work, after all that is why it is accepted as real but more so it serves only the purpose of making people feel secure; comparable to the feeling that there is a God.  Firefighters, police officers, scientists, laws, governments, parishes, countries, these things do not exist.  They are the veil on which our society as we know it is painted, in washable kiddies water colours I might add.

What is society's obsession with authority, for no one or thing has authority if people do not give it to them.  A friend of mine told me that human beings are spiritual by nature, so that if they don't worship a god then they put the same efforts into something else.  Perhaps this is proof that it is innate for us to look to a power we perceive higher than ourselves , though this particular sea of thought is one I have bathed in many times, it did not occur to me until just now.  For who does not want to feel secure, otherwise how could we live our lives in a pragmatic way, our practicality hangs desperately from the impractical and isn't that indicative of how beautifully crazy everything is. It affects even something as personal as our self esteem-- the way we see ourselves.

I don't want to give the facade that this is not about spirituality, it clearly is right? So to be blatant, how can the non-believers judge people who believe in a higher power when they themselves believe in these made up figures of authority; man has just changed from appeasing the Grecian god of war to appeasing governments.  On the same token how can the believers judge those who put their faith in other things when our God affords us the same comforts, it is possible that he is constructed to make us feel secure, to save us from anarchy, after all it is true, religion is the opiate of the people.

I've come to the kind of conclusion that might lead some to believe that I carry a MMIC (medical marijuana identification card), non of this is real, it's all smokes and mirrors and judgey wudgey was a bear. I admit that many times I get self righteous about my beliefs too; this is understandable, we can't help but be passionate about the things that we base our entire existence on, be it God or social structures.  We're all  just trying to live here, let's allow each other to do so without, to borrow John Locke's term, infringing on anyone's inalienable rights.

A Super Power?

Music gives me the amazing ability to transport myself to events that have not yet happened.  All the songs that I have turned into message bottles filled with future memories meant for present reception.

I can't shake this feeling that I have this thick, liquid gold elemental, irrevocable love coming to me, somewhere out there. I feel like I love already, I feel like I am mad already, I feel like I am the south pole longing for the gravitational pull of the north's.  I burn to travel and see parts of the world only touched by God.  You will know I have arrived when I am willing to give up the whole world for you.  I will know you are my north when you say give up nothing.

I am fully aware and accepting that we might  be the same pole of different magnets.  You might have died before this, I may die before then, but just to put it out there, into the existence of everything, I love you now and so without even knowing you once, or it might be the third time, we already have the potential to be the world's most strikingly beautiful tragic thing.