Even as I just wrote the title above I realized that there just might be a message in my gut wrenching agony. One of my oldest and dearest friends died recently from cancer. I have never had anyone I was so close to die before and my reaction has been so irrational but I guess that's rational.
I had said out loud, before she died, that if she did not beat this thing my views on life would be forever changed. She beat a lot of odds and achieved so much in her short 21 years. It seemed that everything was working out in perfect order (the fact that she worked for the Ministry of Health, who stepped in to help). I was sure that if there was any order in this world she would bounce back from this thing. All the shit this world told us was important was not the things you cherished...your academic success, your career achievements, your financial success. Friendship and family....I know those were your favorite things to talk about :)
On the first of August 2011 I lost one of the most important people in my life. I see now why you would strive always for the pinnacle of spirituality and happiness (and there was no one happier or more light hearted). This is why you always smothered us with I love yous, your spirit knew that yours was going to be a short human experience.
"... so-called chaos may have an actual divine function, even if you personally can't recognize it right now." - (E. Gilbert).
I never thought I could solve the puzzle, but just as I thought I at least had all the pieces... Maybe we are not meant to get comfortable, maybe the lesson is to remain comfortable through him in the chaos of this world. I'm sure of nothing (forever my favorite paradox)
I Love You now and Always... From you i learned to be a good person.
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